


kill or be killed

by pepi_peachnbeans



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: M/M, Old American West, Period-Typical Homophobia, a holes au, artist! jinyoung, farmer! jaebum, holes!au, jaebum is sam, jinyoung is kissing kate barlow, yeah you read tht right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 14:30:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17408660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepi_peachnbeans/pseuds/pepi_peachnbeans
Summary: but it's because he learned life's biggest lesson in one of the worst and hardest ways, that in this world it is kill or be killed, and jinyoung had refused to become the latter.





	kill or be killed

**Author's Note:**

> anyways finals are coming up who knows how much i'll post, but know i am writing a lot because i write a lot but also my girlfriend broke up with me so it's sad hours boys

The first time Jinyoung met Jaebum was when the latter had first showed up in their little town. And when Jinyoung meant little, he was being serious. The town was small at best, and everyone knew everyone and their grandparents. It's been fairly family oriented for a long time now, several generations to be exact, and never got any new attraction besides the occasional person just passing on through. 

That was until Im Jaebum moved into town. 

Well not into _town_ per say, but very close on the outskirts. It was some odd case, his grandfather who had owned the farm passed away, and none of his sons could take over it, and Jaebum had been his only living grandson, being the next best option, and so he came to town. 

Jinyoung could remember the very first time that he had actually met Jaebum. It was a nice day, and so he was sitting outside, painting as he usually does in his spare time, when Jaebum came walking by with an entire cart full of products, ready to start selling for the day at their little market. 

Jaebum was very broad, and clearly rather muscular, obviously a labor worker. His features were rather sharp and rigid, but not in a bad way, Jinyoung found him rather handsome, plus his smile lit up his entire face. 

"You're talented." 

Jinyoung had to blink once, then twice, to realize that Jaebum is standing next to him now, and in fact complimenting him on his art work. Cheeks turning the faintest shade of red, he bowed is head, "Why, thank you." 

"What would I be able to trade you in order to get some of your work? The farmhouse is rather dull, my grandfather wasn't much of a decorator, and I'm positive that your work will lighten it right up." 

There had been many things that Jinyoung wanted to say then, and yet he ended up not saying any of them, all because he hadn't been confident enough at the time. And so he settled then instead on purely giving a smile and saying, "Three jars of peaches." 

"Three jars? I can do that." 

Jaebum had to have had the best damn smile that Jinyoung has ever, or will ever, see. 

***

It was pouring rain out, as it always does, since Spring always brings showers. Jinyoung didn't mind the rain, but it did make him rather concerned for when the children had to run home in it, or whenever there was rain leaking into the building. The school was old however, dating far back to before Jinyoung himself was even board, it's a miracle it's still standing. But that doesn't stop him from fearing that one of these days the children will get terribly sick from it all.

A rapping at the door caused him to look up from the _drip drip drip_ of the water bucket he always set up when it got like this, to find that it was Jaebum standing there. "Here to sell me some more fruit?" 

"No, actually, I couldn't help but notice the leak that you have right there." he made a point to give a look at where the bucket that was producing the background noise of _drop drop drop_ as the rain continued to leak in. 

Sighing, Jinyoung followed his gaze, "Yeah, there hasn't been any repairs in at least twenty years." 

Nodding, Jaebum walked in further towards Jinyoung and so that he wasn't standing in the door way anymore. "Do you want me to fix it? I will for another one of your paintings." 

Turning to look away from the bucket, Jinyoung made eye contact with Jaebum. Here he was, offering to fix the school house, and who was Jinyoung to say no? A grin spread across Jinyoung's face, "I can do that." 

So the very next day, once the weather had finally begun to clear up, Jaebum was working on repairing the roof. Once classes were done for the day, Jinyoung sat outside of the school, at the spot he almost always does, with his paints by his side. Today was a bit different from every other day however, this time he kept getting distracted. He probably took more pauses alone right then, than he has in his entire life. It was hard not to however, when every few seconds his eyes was leaving his canvas and looking up to watch Jaebum. 

The worst part of it all had to be when Jaebum would catch him blatantly staring, but he didn't make any faces when catching Jinyoung, instead he would merely smile, and Jinyoung would duck his head down by tucking his chin into his chest, and blame his warming cheeks on the sun. 

It didn't take long for Jaebum to fix it, he was an efficient worker after all, which only served to make Jinyoung admire him more so. 

"If you ever need help with anything else," Jaebum tells him, a smile on his face, but Jinyoung is torn by staring at his smile, or at the way his skin was so town and how there was just the glistening of sweat on his brown and his high cheek bones. 

And then, he is hit by the feeling that he doesn't want Jaebum to quite go yet. It was irrational at best, because it wasn't as if he was going to leave forever, yet that didn't matter to Jinyoung. "You know, the windows don't work, and it would be great to let in a breeze with summer coming along." 

"I can do that." 

***

Youngjae was one of Jinyoung's students that he absolutely adored, but also was one of his that struggled the most, but Jinyoung was always willing to help him after school, or on the weekends. 

Today was one of the days that he had stayed after, which was okay with Jinyoung as it always was, because he never has plans, unless watching Jaebum fix the windows counts as being busy. 

Their focus of the day was poetry. Poetry has always been one of Jinyoung's absolute favorites, and especially his particular favorite poet- Edgar Allan Poe. It helped too, that Youngjae was so eager, and would let Jinyoung pick what to read, and so, he chose Annabel Lee. 

Jaebum was on the sixth window of the school, which just happened to be the one closest to where Jinyoung was sitting down alongside Youngjae. For probably one of the first times, Jinyoung was able to focus purely on the reading in front of him, reading out loud for Youngjae who was eagerly following along. 

"And this maid she lived with no other though, than to love and be loved by e. I was a child and she was a child, in this kingdom by the sea. But we-" 

A smooth voice cut him off then, blending with Jinyoung's until he stopped talking, "But we loved with a love that was more than love- I and my Annabel Lee." 

Looking up with what had to be awe, he made eye contact with Jaebum and smiled, "Jaebum." 

Sheepishly, he looked down and had the faintest of red blushing across his tan cheeks.  

Later that night, after all the classes for the day over, and Jaebum finished with all of the repairs for the night, the two of them walked down to the lake together. Taking off his shoes and rolling up his pants to his knees, he sat down on the dock with Jaebum next to him. 

"I didn't know you knew Edgar Allan Poe." 

"Of course I do," Jaebum scoffed tilting his head as if he couldn't believe Jinyoung didn't know that. "He's my favorite." 

"Yeah? Mine Too." 

"Who ever knew that Park Jinyoung had such a good taste?" 

Jinyoung laughed as he kicked his foot in the water, causing a ripple. "Who knew that I would finally find someone else who appreciates his work? The only way people seem to know him around here is from me." 

"Just think, you're spreading that knowledge. And I think that's far more important than just about any other job there is." 

"Thank you," and suddenly he's hit with that feeling again, the one where he doesn't quite want Jaebum to go yet either, "Got time to fix the door?" 

"I can do that." 

***

With a town so close knit, it was hard to keep pretty much anything personal, because everyone likes to think that literally everything is their business. Like one of the favorite topics, that being Jinyoung's romantic life, or really, the lack thereof. 

It was one of his night classes, which was when he teaches the adults of the town who previously were unable to receive an education. Which really, was a large portion of their town. 

Jisoo was one of those girls that had been over concerned within Jinyoung's business. And say what you want about Jinyoung, but he is many things, but a fool was not of them. He was well aware about her... fascination with him. 

Class was over, and he was wiping the chalk off of his board, so that it would be pristine for the following day, as well as so he didn't have to do it in the morning. Some of the people had already left, others were standing around talking to one another, and he knew that Jaebum was here too, standing in the corner.

Leaning against his desk, Jisoo blinked up at him innocently, "Say, are you doing anything tomorrow night?" 

He knew there was eye on him, but Jaebum's burned the most, and he felt the familiar way his shoulders tensed, defensive, or rather more like offensive, as he put on the armor to hide, because they can't ever know. "Yes," he tries to not look at Jaebum. "I'm sorry." 

She sighed, "It's seem like you're always busy, what are you even doing? Working? Don't you want to go out and have a little fun?" 

"Yes well, life is rather busy, is it not?" 

Pouting, she pulled herself up from his desk, "Or maybe it's just that you don't like me. That's it, isn't it? Am I really that ugly?" 

And this was always when the guilt would begin to set in and start eating him away as the frustration would grow, because that _wasn't it_ and they were just never going to get it, were they? 

He smiled sorrowfully, and sincerely, "I think you're beautiful. But I'm not looking to be in any sort of relationship. I'm focused on my job as for now." 

Jisoo nodded and left without another word, and the door- now not squeaky due to Jaebum fixing it- closed behind her with a bang. The second the door closed he felt himself untense, and he finally turned back around to where Jaebum was looking at him, and it made him gulp because it was as if Jaebum was seeing through him, staring into his soul, and it was in that moment that Jinyoung was sure that Jaebum had to know. 

***

But Jinyoung couldn't keep Jaebum around him forever, despite how much he wanted to. There was only so much work to be done, and he had done all of it, and there was no doubt that it had become the best school house that Jinyoung had ever seen. 

Jinyoung had thanked him profusely and Jaebum was humble, as he always was. 

And now? Jinyoung was sitting in the school house alone, and unsure of what to do now. Jaebum was gone and he felt this underlining sense of loneliness, and he was finally beginning to realize it all himself. 

He had always know for as long as Jinyoung could remember, that he was different. But he also learned that it wasn't allowed, and he knew that they were questioning him already, they have been for a long time now. And Jinyoung had always found himself many things, and foolish not counting as one of those, and yet here he was: fallen in love. 

And with that revelation, with finally admitting it to himself that he is in love with Im Jaebum, he finds that he starts to cry. 

In the midst of his own tears, he didn't even realize that the door had opened, now that the previous creaking was gone due to Jaebum fixing it. His hands that sat curled into fists on his own desk, was being covered by other hands, and he looks up to see Jaebum standing there, concern written all over his face, "Miss me?" 

Silently, Jinyoung nodded as he stood up now, Jaebum crossed behind his desk and they were looking at each other. "It was never about the school house was it?" his tone was so gentle. "You needed fixing. Tell me what to do, and I will do it." 

He's not even sure if Jaebum realizes the weight of the words that he is saying. With a shaky breathe, he sucks in a looks up at Jaebum to look him in the eyes, "Kiss me." 

It's so quiet, and Jinyoung had almost feared that he had been so terribly wrong and misread everything, but then Jaebum's hand came up to cup and cradle his cheek and wiped tears away with his thumb, "I can do that." 

And his lips were so soft as they pressed against Jinyoung's, and he feels another tear fall out as he presses closer to Jaebum, and Jaebum made sure to hold him tight. 

***

Finally, hours later than we he was originally planning to get home, Jinyoung found himself in his room and preparing to go to bed. He had spent what felt like hours kissing Jaebum until they both had to pull away for air, but ultimately ended up kissing again, and his heart was still fluttering. 

Just as he was about to lie down, he heard shouting. Curious, Jinyoung gets back up again to peak out of the window to see several people riding by on horses, and there was an unusual amount of light- a fire. What...? 

Racing through his house, he runs out, the door slamming but he doesn't care. There's hollering and cheering, and Jinyoung gets three buildings down when he sees it.

It's the school. 

Immediately, Jinyoung is screaming as he takes off running, _stop stop. What are you guys doing_? He wanted to cry, to mourn for the building. This was for the children and Jaebum had worked so damn hard on it for months now. Why? 

But no one was listening to him, all cruel as they jeered as if this was some mere sport to them. The only other place Jinyoung can think to go is to the Sheriff, as there seems to be no police out here witnessing the arson. 

When he enters, the Sheriff's back to him was turned. Hearing Jinyoung comes in, he turns around, wobbling, body stumbling forward unevenly, and that's when Jinyoung spots the bottle of empty whiskey on the table. "You're drunk," he points out, the disgust clear in his voice. 

His eyes are wide as he seems to take Jinyoung in, as if at first he couldn't tell who it was, but once he does seem to realize who is standing in front of him, his face falls into an unreadable one. "I always do before a hanging." 

Jinyoung's heart drops into his chest, the panic rising up his throat, and his voice is eerily quiet as he repeats, utterly horrified, "Hanging?" 

"It's against the bible for man to lie with another man Jinyoung. I thought you were raised better than this." 

And like a punch, Jinyoung felt like throwing up because he finally understood it all now. It was because of him and Jaebum. Finally the tears are pushing out of his eyes again, and it all feels almost surreal, that this can't really be happening right now, this has to be some kind of night terror. 

The Sheriff moves closer to him though, stumbling as he grips Jinyoung's shoulders for support, "That _devil_ ," he spits out. "Coerced you into breaking God's sacred law, he made you sin. But you're a good faithful boy Jinyoung, and you always have been, and I'm sure that if you ask for forgiveness, the Lord will save you." 

They meant to hang Jaebum. 

The disgust and fear burned at him, the disbelief, "If you hang him, you better hang me too, because I kissed him back. I asked him to kiss me." 

Not waiting for a response, Jinyoung pushes him off and tears off, running as fast as he ever has before. Jaebum lived more at the outskirts of the town where the farm was at, and there was a sense of hope that maybe everyone was still preoccupied with burning the building and that he could reach Jaebum first. 

As he runs, some people attempt to intimidate him by raising their pitch forks, but he doesn't stop, he can't afford to. He see's Youngjae standing there, next to his mother, she's holding him close, and he has wide eyes and he stares at Jinyoung with what had to be a look of utter heartbreak. 

Finally, he spots Jaebum out in the field walking that he needs to cross through to be able to reach his farmhouse. But there was also another man, on a horse with his gun pointed, and Jinyoung noticed him all too late. His name seemed to ripple out of Jinyoung's chest as time seemed to slow down, "JAEBUM!" 

But there was that ringing sound of a gun shot, and the horse letting out a neigh, and Jaebum was falling to the ground. A sob wretched it's way out from his throat, and the tears are hot as he starts stumbling through the field, everything else tuned out as he drops to the Earth, completely uncaring about how muddy it was from the rain of yesterday. He reaches out for Jaebum's lifeless body, and he clings on for dear life crying as he starts rocking and repeating, "I'm so sorry." 

By the time morning came, Jinyoung felt a new sense of numb that he never has before as he found himself walking through town, knowing that he looked of just as much of a mess that he felt like on the inside. Everyone was looking at him, but he couldn't bring himself to really care about that either. 

When he walked into the Sheriff's office, he was sitting there passed out drunk, and finally emotions hit Jinyoung like a sudden wave, the feels of hurt, of rage. Hatred. He grabbed the gun from his pocket and walked past his desk, slapping him awake. 

"Jinyoung?" he asked, groggily as he blinked awake. 

"I told you to kill me too," he hissed, the gun going off and the Sheriff slumping over in his seat. 

***

It was after that, that Jinyoung had left the town, having no real reason to be there anymore. He was wanted too of course, for the murder of the Sheriff, and for the man that had shot Jaebum. And he only ended up getting more wanted posters up as he turned to the life of crime. 

But it's because he learned life's biggest lesson in one of the worst and hardest ways, that in this world it is kill or be killed, and Jinyoung had refused to become the latter. 

But no amount of money, nor body count could ever seem to fill the hole that was inside of his heart. It was all just temporary fixes that gave him something to fixate on for the time being, until he moved on to the next thing. 

It took him over ten years before he decided that he was ready to go back, that he could return home, feeling as if what little part of him that he even had left was finally gone. 

Part of him had died that night, and the rest dwindled down over time. 

The farm house had been left completely alone, nobody bothering to do anything with it besides taking the animals, instead choosing to abandon it. Besides that, it was left the way it was, except now with mass amount of dust. His paintings were still hung up all around, something that he hasn't done since it all happened. 

It was hard for him to admit how much he really had missed Jaebum, but now it almost felt freeing for him to think about as he collapsed onto the porch, feeling exhausted after everything was said and done. 

It didn't take long for the people to come either, with their guns raised. "Well, well, well, if it isn't Park Jinyoung. What are you doing here?" 

"Grieving," he snaps back, his hands clenching and unclenching, any fight that he had left slowly dying out of him because he has come to find that he honestly just doesn't care anymore, and he hasn't for a long time now. 

"You got gold, lots of it. And you're wanted too, not just here but in pretty much every town, you've done a lot of traveling. Tell us where the gold is hidden, and maybe we'll reconsider not killing you." 

But the joke was on them, because this was going to be his last act of defiance. "I'm not telling, so you might as well shoot me then." 

The gun was pulled down from where it was previously raised higher, "Oh we won't just kill ya, but by the time that we're through with you, you'll be wishing that you were dead." 

A weak attempt of a threat. He starts to laugh then, something that had become a hollow shell of what it used to be. Finally, he scoffs, "I've been wishing I was dead for over ten years." Ever since they killed Jaebum, that night his humanity died too. 

They seemed puzzled then, and when Jinyoung moved forward, the guns were raised again, and he grins as he presses his head right again the gun. "Start digging."


End file.
